Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
