Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
