I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
