Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
