Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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