My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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