The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
