lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
