i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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