Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
