so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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