I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
