Having a random hookup so left but love u
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
no. you can't hotbox the world.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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