All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Bring me that man meat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize