susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
