i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
