Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
