WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
