I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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