I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
