did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have fence marks all over my body
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
