I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
