There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
