No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
