You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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