Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
