where am i from again
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
