we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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