just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
