Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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