It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
