Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Please don't give away my fajitas
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
