Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
