Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
