I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
