You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
