Where are you?
In a non slutty way
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
