I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How does it feel to date your dad?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
