isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
