Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
