you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
