can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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