mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize