Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
