whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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