Got a toothbrush?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
