Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
