If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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