I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't notice because vodka
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
