I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
