his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
