I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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