i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
