Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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