Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
