We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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