Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
