This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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