girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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